BADKADI

Published on January 26th, 2015 | by Badkadi

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5 Types of Afghan Singers

There are more than 5 types but ain’t nobody got time to write it all for you. These types are obviously from my point of view.

1: Goatee Arash

This singer is dedicated to the art of making mini triangles on his face. It is so    perfect that I can’t tell if it is a mini hairy triangle or a birth mark! The only time he didn’t have that Taweez hanging below his lips was basically when he didn’t have facial hair.

This person likes taking side still shots of himself yelling on the mic, he will make sure his thick silver bracelet is visible for the picture.

This person likes replying back to every comments on his picture with ” Thx felani jan”

 

2: Jamal the Audio/Video drunk

Jamal is usually  in his 40’s and likes alcohol A LOT! His favorite drink after chai is alcohol. He likes red label more than his children. If you can’t reach Jamal on weekends, he is most likely at a friend’s dark basement killing his lungs.

Jamal likes singing Ahmad Zahir songs. Before he starts singing, he gets everyone’s permission to sing… as if anyone is going to say “nai! Nametani ke bokhani”. Once Jamal starts singing, it is audio only as he likes to close his eyes and blabber until the song is over. Jamal is video only when he needs to find his glass.

Jamal’s favorite saying ” Lotf e shomast”.

 

3: Tow o Pej Valy

There are quite a few qertaki’s but valy has his own spot. Tow o peching of this person will put a snake to shame. You aren’t sure if you are at a concert or a horse trainer event. He is constantly jumping and moving around from one side of the stage to the other side.

This person loves tight jeans and his sunglasses. The sun is always shinning at his concerts so make sure you take yours too.

His favorite thing to say is ” I lav you all” followed by blowing a kiss.

 

4: Color wheel Ramin

This singer wears whatever he sets his eyes on. Color and size doesn’t matter as long as it fits and is shinning bright like children’s toys. He likes wearing tight clothes and pointy shoes, silver stained rings and a scarf around his neck that would pass as a patoo in Afghanistan. God forbid if a picture is uploaded on Facebook without the peace sign pose.

Ramin should have been a psychotic fashion designer instead of a singer. His fashion sense basically includes the entire color chart.

His favorite place to take a picture is sitting down on a sofa at the hotel lobby.

 

5: Super ego Jawad

This singer’s ego is bigger than your bibi Jan’s shawl. He thinks he is the shit. He has fancy pictures on his facebook profile and will always tag his location with ” Gig tonight @ location”. He records himself at his “studio” with a dozen microphones surrounding him while singing and playing on one of his 3 keyboards in the most amateur way possible and then posts the video with the caption “For my lovely fans”.

Jawed will make sure to post pictures of himself in the hall, sound checking to the moment where he is packing up.He will not go to sleep unless he updates his status to “I had a great time performing tonight” followed by thanking everyone at the event.

Jawed’s super skill is uploading pictures with OTHER famous singers.

 

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